Ordered Chaos

from the boring middle

"It is difficult to recall, much less recapture, the excitement of an adventure's beginning when you find yourself in the boring middle of it." — Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts

Who's your favorite Christian author?

I know I'm supposed to say Paul or Lewis or Buechner or Chesterton, but my honest answer is Elizabeth Elliot. I recently (as in last week during vacation) began reading her Secure In the Everlasting Arms collection for the third time and find myself once again connecting with an author on a personal level. Everything she writes hits home. Hard.

Hits Home?

I could say the same is true every time I read something by Donald Miller or Rob Bell, too....because it is. Rob Bell says what I'd say about the American church. Donald Miller writes his way through our shared thought, exposing us as broken and uncertain, but aspiring and beautiful. And I get what they're trying to say, because without knowing me, they seem to get me. So does Elliot.

However, the difference between those guys (whose works, let me clarify, I absolutely love and learn from) and Elliot is that her stuff forces me to focus first on God. She acknowledges the crap and the distractions associated with life on earth, but she refuses to leave God out of it for even two sentences. She quotes authors I've never heard of in a way that makes me desperate to have a conversation with them. She put prayers to paper that I feel compelled to read aloud and meditate over for days at a time. She gets more of my underlines and margin scribblings than any other author has besides God. And she reminds me why I should be excited about this story of God's of which I get to be a part. I lose my cynicism in her words.

The Point?

She's worth reading. If you haven't, you should.

Of what author might you say the same?

the heart of a lit major

An AP English test prompt (courtesy of a Washington Post article):

In a literary work, a minor character, often known as a foil, possesses traits that emphasize, by contrast or comparison, the distinctive characteristics and qualities of the main character. For example, the ideas or behavior of the minor character might be used to highlight the weaknesses or strengths of the main character.

Choose a novel or play in which a minor character serves as a foil to a main character. Then write an essay in which you analyze how the relation between the minor character and the major character illuminates the meaning of the work....Do not merely summarize the plot.

No lie: I loved (love) those kind of essay prompts - and the discussions they promoted.

My high school English classes clued me in. Forced me to consider....

Sometimes I wonder if I'd make more of a difference there than here.

Sometimes I'm sure I would.

Sometimes I just really wish public school teachers made enough money to live on (and didn't have to take TESOL courses)....

Currently reading: American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld
Currently watching: Season 5 of 24 (during lunch)

clouding up my mind

I am officially obsessed with this Twilight book series.

Like this-might-be-worse-than-the-Harry-Potter-thing kind of obsession.

I spent yesterday trying to distract myself from reading the rest of the third book, because I don't want to have to move on to the fourth book....because that'll mark the end of the series. And that's depressing. So I did laundry. Cleaned the bathroom. Cooked. Took a nap.  Did any and everything to stave off the end.

But I'm still reading at stop lights. Listening to the Twilight movie soundtrack non-stop (the Paramore song rocks - "Decode" - video here) at my desk. Finding myself in actual intense conversation about fictional characters. Feeling my stomach drop and my body tense up as I read Bella and Edward in close proximity to one another.

I can't wait for the cheesy movie. It comes out November 21. I'll be there – with several girlfriends.

And then I think I'm going to have to swear off reading or watching anything romantic for a very, very, long, long, long time.

Must. Preserve. My. Sanity.

In other news: STATUS ain't just for 20-somethings anymore! Looks like they're moving in what I consider to be a very intelligent direction.

Currently playing: "Decode" by Paramore

in the land of make believe

When I wasted a good couple of weeks of my life watching seasons 1-3 of 24 a couple of years back, I saw Jack Bauer everywhere. Black Tahoes and potential threats to America seemed to just ooze from the streets of my once inconspicuous town. And when I finally caved to the peer pressure and sat down to read through books 1-5 of the Harry Potter series back in the day, I was seeing witches and wizards on every street corner, in every grocery store line, and in every painting I passed. The kinship I felt with the characters was pretty intense and consuming for a month. And then there were the times I read and watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy...oh, how easily I could have married an elf named Legolas had he asked (nerd alert!)....

And now, as I pick my way through the Twilight series, I'm seeing vampires everywhere. Catching myself wondering what's going on in a character's head as I stand outside, cold, in the moonlight while I wait for the dog to do his business. I'm kind of in like with Edward. I'm giddy as I leave the bookstore with the rest of the story in my hands. I could easily be wrapped up in the characters' lives....like they're real people.

Aww...the pull of a good story...a good character...

There's nothing quite like it, eh?

And how they so easily skew/alter my perception of reality.

Which is a funny realization to have this day, simply because (coincidentally) I'm working on curriculum about how Jesus used story — parables — to influence the people. I love that God knew how we ticked...how powerful a story or word picture could be in our lives.

Because, while it's true that gone are the days when reading young adult fiction about good vampires would lead this young mind to stay out of the sun and beg her parents for ocher-colored contacts, I'm still totally bent toward embracing a fictional world and learning from it.

Turns out I'm still an impressionable youth.  And I think I like it.

Currently reading: Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer
Currently watching: Season 5 of 24 (Disc 2, baby!)

coulda, woulda, shoulda

"Hell begins the day God grants you the vision to see all that you could have done, should have done, and would have done, but did not do." - Johann Wolfgang van Goethe

Mark Batterson quotes Goethe and God in In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day and delivers a completely worthwhile read.

And when I say "worthwhile", I mean it'd be worthwhile for every person I know to read this book. And when I say "read", I mean the underlining, writing in the margins, journaling in response kind of read.

I haven't so enjoyed or been altered by a book (I've read it 2.5 times now) since I read Claiborne's Irresistable Revolution, and C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity before that. I just keep nodding my head and jumping inside and wanting to buy copies and mail them to you, my friends and family. I want to write little notes of encouragement on the inside covers and pray you read post haste.

But since I am not made of money, nor do I maintain an address book, consider this my note inside the cover of the book I'm urging you to waste no time in going to buy: You are full of more potential than you realize. Trust Him to prove it. Carpe diem, baby.

Related: The book's website. You can download chapter one there.

a novel concept, really

Odd that it took me so long, but I've made time in my schedule to read again.

The books I just put on hold at the library:

Make the Impossible Possible by Bill Strickland
The 4-hour Work Week by Timothy Ferriss
Do Hard Things by Alex Harris
Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne
A Whole New Mind: Why right-brainers will rule the future by Daniel Pink
Till We Have Faces by C.S. Lewis

The books still to be gathered:

Just Courage by Gary Haugen
It by Craig Groschel
Wide Awake by Erwin McManus
Surprised by Hope by N.T. Wright
11: Indispensable Relationships You Can't Be Without by Leonard Sweet
Chazown by Craig Groschel
The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis

Hoping to knock them all out by the end of the year.

Any other suggestions?

Currently playing: "Take to the World" by Derek Webb

potential.

"There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it's going to be a butterfly."

my fear

"And yet..." he said. "and yet, Father, I am terribly afraid that the things the Landlord really intends for me may be utterly unlike the things he has taught me to desire."

-- The Pilgrim's Regress, C.S. Lewis

....

"The answer to temptation is to find out, perhaps painfully and over a long period, what it is about you that is at the moment out of shape, distorted, in pain. Then one may begin to find out, again often painfully, how it is that God longs to help you to get what is distorted back into focus; to get what is crooked back into shape; to get what is bruised and hurt back into health. That will take time; it will certainly take prayer; there is a good reason to think it may also take fasting. There is excellent precedent for saying that you will need help."

-- Following Jesus, N.T. Wright

i hate poetry

except for on the rare occasion when I kinda understand it:

Listen...

with the animals dying around us
our lost feelings we are saying thank you
with the forests falling faster than the minutes
of our lives we are saying thank you
with the words going out like cells of a brain
with the cities growing over us like the earth
we are saying thank you faster and faster
with nobody listening we are saying thank you
we are saying thank you and waving
dark though it is

-- W. S. Merwin

Shakespeare was dirty.

Courtesy of the Mental Floss magazine blog, and because I’m feeling all medieval after just finishing A Knight in Shining Armor, I present to you a rather entertaining summary of one of Shakespeare’s lesser-known plays:

“Measure for Measure: A favorite in Political Science classes, a politico named Angelo condemns young Claudio to death for getting his (Claudio’s) fiancée pregnant, but then Angelo, in a stirringly honorable turn, agrees to spare Claudio’s life if Angelo can engage in some fornication of his own with Claudio’s hot sister—an event that is narrowly averted, perhaps because it would have been hard to stage, what with everybody being played by guys.”

The Beauty of a Book

I’m influenced by what I read.  A good story never fails to transport me elsewhere.  And pulling my eyes from a page rarely fails be bring me back unaltered.

Returning to reality never quite occurs.

I was in South Carolina today, made sleepy by a stifling heat that dripped wet down my skin. I got excited about a boy that had an “unnatural” ache for me.  I didn’t act my age as I giggled with glee, frolicking through the sprinklers. I battled my memories and my inclinations. I wrote letters never to be sent, used a notebook for therapy. I discovered love knows no color, no favoritism, and no bounds. I breathed easier, immersed in a simpler life and suspended in a faith.

I’m here - at my desk, staring at open Adobe software - but I’m still there.

“Some people might see it as shiftless behavior, but really, when we’re lying down from the heat, we’re giving our minds time to browse around for new ideas, wondering at the true aim of life, and generally letting things pop into our heads that need to. In the sixth grade there was a boy in my class who had a steel plate in his skull and was always complaining how test answers could never get through to him. Our teacher would say, “Give me a break.”

In a way, though, the boy was right. Every human being on the face of the earth has a steel plate in his head, but if you lie down now and then and get still as you can, it will slide open like elevator doors, letting in all the secret thoughts that have been standing around so patiently, pushing the button for a ride to the top. The real troubles in life happen when those hidden doors stay closed for too long. But that’s just my opinion.”

-- from The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

Currently reading: The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
Currently watching: The Black Donnellys (love me some Irish boys)
Currently playing: “Free and Easy (Down the Road I Go) by Dierks Bentley

Come on Book 7

All it took was a quick trip to the-leaky-cauldron.org to get me in Harry Potter obsessed mode again. Reminds me that I need to re-read the series. Desperately. Which is troublesome, considering I’ve got several books in the queue, and about four others I’ve requested to be put on hold by the library.  How ever will I satiate the craving?!

Currently reading: A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers
Currently playing: "The Joker" by Steve Miller Band

"Church sucks!"

Just read the first chapter of Craig Gross (XXXchurch.com) and J.R. Mahon's new book, Starving Jesus.  Love it. They write like me.  Or more to the point, they think like me. With commas and triplets and explanation and complete honesty.  They're having a conversation, just chattin' in book form.  It's a display of personality and poignancy and proposal. Informal diction and slang abound in paragraphs that explore and make a point.

And it's that point that's got me excited - even more excited than I am about the words they chose and the way they chose to use them.  The point is one that everything I've been reading and feeling lately seems to scream: we are not all we can be. not all we should be. we've missed the point and it's up to us to make a change. to make a difference. to change the perception of church. of christianity. of love. the point is that we should talk less and act more.  that maybe we should quit looking in and start reaching out.  Gross puts it bluntly: "get off your butt and do something." and the marketing copy finishes the statement just as frankly: give. pray. fast.

Check out 40 Days of Nothing.
Check out the Starving Jesus podcast.
Check out the book.

Update: speaking of podcasts....I would so hang out with these guys. Love the random choice of music in "the automobile edition" podcast - episode phive.

Lunch Break

I'm on page 57 in chapter 2.  Chapter one had me laughing, nodding my head, wanting to underline (can't, it's a library book), and crying real tears. Talk about spiritual food!  Or at least, food for thought.....

You need to go get this book. Now.

Relevant Books is now promoting a series called Foundations of Faith.  It's simply the literature of some of the greatest writers and thinkers in Christian history, re-released and bound in snazzy design.  The series' existence is a reminder that the words of the past can be (and are) still "relevant" today - at least when dealing with reflection about a God who is forever unchanging.

$6.99 each for the words of John Wesley, St. Augustine, Charles Spurgeon and others...

Speaking of reading, check out the best article I've read on Relevant's site in months....

I See Through You

"You go through your whole life guarding yourself; you talk, full of apparent confidence and optimism, and all the time you're wondering whether what you say sounds ridiculous, and whether you're revealing too much of the secret, scared fool who's inside you, and whether the people you meet will see the performance that's the long-running, open-ended stage show of your existence, and will find that performance wanting.

You guard yourself every day, and after a while you don't even know it's happening. You wait for a sign that they haven't fallen for it and that they know just how breakable you are.

It doesn't help that you're aware everyone is like that; it doesn't help that everyone in the world is guarding himself every minute. You do your best not to let on that you have any self-doubt or any fear, and almost all of the time you get away with it. You get through the day undiscovered.

And it's so good when that rarest of things happen, and you find yourself with someone in whose presence none of that is necessary. There's no specific signal that tells you; at least if there is, I am not conscious of where to look for it. But you know, and it's almost as if you are breathing cleaner, lighter air. You don't have to worry, and don't know why...

[She] and I talked for hours that afternoon; we talked about important things we talked about meaningless things and I didn't think that I could ever tire of it. It wasn't as if we were checking off items on lists, not as if we had to cover the most substantial, eventful particularities of our two worlds; there was no itinerary that started with family, and then career, and then future. It was much easier than that. It was being somewhere I wanted to be, and not being careful and really believing I didn't have to, believing it so much that it didn't matter if I turned out to be wrong.  We talked and I listened to her voice and we'd laugh and it felt like time was going slow, but it wasn't slow enough...."

-- excerpted from All Summer Long by Bob Greene (a man who writes like I think)

Rakes and Hoes and Tools, Oh My!?

Boys, if you want to unravel the mystery that is girls - read a romance novel*.  Sure, knock the literary genre all you want, but there's a reason it's so popular and sells so well.  Even Christian publishers have romance imprints!  Most of the authors are women, writing for women. They are simply reworking basic themes, desires, and events native to a woman's heart.  Sure, there's an element of fantasy - no boy is so perfect at all times and mistakes usually have greater ripple effects in the real world, but there's truth about women radiating off every page...

We love the rake (defined as a dissolute man in fashionable society). We love that he'll tell us what he thinks about us (every inch of us).  We love that he flirts.  We love that he's experienced.  We love that he's confident, talked about, and desired by most girls.  And above all, we love that he'll reform for the one girl that takes his breath away.

We love the unexpected physical encounters.  We love that what begins as intense eye contact gradually graduates to something far more satisfying.  We love the temptation.  We love knowing we have power in those moments.  We love being wanted. We love being put first. And above all, we love the closeness.

We love that the guy is intrigued and baffled and in awe of the girl.  She's irresistable to him, makes him laugh, and he's not afraid to tell her.

We love that the guy is always vulnerable even in his strength.  More importantly, we love that the guy is willing to let the girl see his vulnerability and help him heal.

We love that no matter what, the guy always lets go of his pride to rescue the girl.  Not only does he rescue her, he betters her situation.

And we love that the guy uses the people around him, those that know the girl intimately, to find out about her and to surprise her - to love her....

Yes, my brother is right to an extent when he asked "aren't all romance novels the same story over and over again?", but it doesn't matter.  Because that story - well, it's the story that we dream in, hope in, and love in over and over again - day in and day out.  The heart God gave us, central to what makes us feminine, finds knowlege of self in the pages of romance.  We have potential to be the amazing women gracing those pages, women who are strong, aware, beautiful and independent, but devoted to their men - honoring and respecting and desiring them.  And we don't miss the overarching theme present in every one of those "trashy" novels - that these women and these men are made great by the fullness of their relationship - by the fullness of their love.

The secular romance novels don't touch on it, but many of the Christian ones do:  God created us with an enormous capacity to love.  God created us with enormous potential.  We can be the guys and girls of romance novels.  It's rare, but I've glimpsed men that honor their women.  I've glimpsed women who work to be everything to their husband, to excite and entice and intrigue.  I've seen men that make it known in public and in private just how happy they are to be loved by the woman they are with.  I've seen women stop at nothing to break down a man's emotional barriers.  I've seen couples live selflessly - and in doing so, find every selfish desire met.

So, boys - read a romance novel.  Girls - read one, too. Guys - read Captivating.  Girls - read Wild at Heart.  And as a result, stop being like every other sad, slightly unfulfilled couple out there...

*Disclaimer:  I know romance novels are slightly taboo in Christian society - called "girl porn" in some circles - and while I can understand the argument and agree in part, I've personally found my readings to be beneficial and educational.  However, my instruction for others to join romance novel readership is not a command, but a suggestion, and is a task that should not be undertaken without first establishing where one stands on the issue.

On a Break

.....the more you let somebody know who you really are -- the more it feels as though something is at stake. And that makes me nervous.....I feel it in my chest, this desire to dissociate.  I don't mean to be a jerk about it, but that is how I am wired....

-- excerpted from Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller

Taking a break from the blog.  Will return eventually.

Read Me

I've always been a bookworm.  What started with Nancy Drew and Babysitter's Club in mass quanity as a youth became a focused academic pursuit in college and now reigns as one of my favorite ways to pass the time.  I read. I get lost for hours in the lives of characters, exploring human emotion and life events between pages, inside five-letter words, and honoring new perspectives as I close a book....

I checked out seven novels from the library last Saturday afternoon.  I just finished book number six.  As I read, I dog-ear pages that feature turns of phrase or profound thoughts that jump out at me.  Librarians hate me, for I mar their books.  But I'm certain authors would love me, for I glimpse their intent and wish to hold fast to the words and my resulting response...plus, I like to share that which excites.  And while out of context, below I type some of which has stirred my heart in the past week:

Music couldn't save you, but occasionally, just for a time, it could fill the empty spaces inside a person. (Table for Five by Susan Wiggs)

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with..(Mark Twain)

One thing Chloe knew about herself: When her feelings were too big, words deserted her. They fled her brain, leaving her in mute confusion. Emotions threatened mutiny from within, and she was sure she'd be the youngest girl to die of a heart attack with no preexisting condition to blame. (Dance With Me by Luanne Rice)

And...I don't know how anyone ever knows for sure that it's God's voice they're hearing until they step out in faith. I'm as sure as I can be.  I just know that if I don't go, I'll always wonder if I made the biggest mistake of my life. (After the Rains by Deborah Raney)

Everytime I was with Donna I realized I didn't know her too well. I'd hyped her up in my head to be so much more than what she really was....When Em and I got back together, I could see that she had never been less than what I'd figured her to be.  If anything, she was always better than I remembered. And that's what I think love is - when your hindsight's twenty-twenty, and you still wouldn't change a thing....(The Pact by Jodi Picoult)

All about me there was movement and sound, and I winnowed back up into the clutter of life.......and I longed for something - anything - so long as it happened. (Grange House by Sarah Blake)

Currently Reading: Scandalous Again by Christina Dodd and Secure in the Everlasting Arms by Elisabeth Eliot
Currently Playing: "Can't Help Falling in Love With You" by UB40

Not Just to Play With

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

- from The Velveteen Rabbit