Ordered Chaos

time for a good time?

I haven't been to Cowboys in a couple of months. Right about now that fact is workin' it's way up under my ribs. Highly uncomfortable. Unbearable, really.

So, until I get some relief, I created a playlist worthy of my favorite honky tonk to tide me over:

Cowboys Country

It's danceable country. It's probably what you should listen to at your desk today. Or while you're weeding the backyard flower beds this weekend. Or while you're making your way toward the beach....or, even better, toward me.

I'm just sayin'. Catch it all above or by clicking this link.

Don't like country? Try it out anyway. And by "try" I mean listen to it all through twice and then tell me you still hate it...

Unrelated: I ate 13 blue crabs last weekend — the feast was glorious and over far too fast. Saw Harry Potter 6 at midnight Tuesday night — it's the best of the bunch, but the books are still 80 times better than the movies. I picked a bedroom. Water parks are dirty. I got a PARKING ticket for having an expired tag — that was two days ago and I still haven't put the tag on my car. Oops. We up mileage to eight this weekend — I'm not quite ready. Boo. Oh, and umm, you're awesome.

Currently playing: Tim McGraw's "Everywhere" album
Currently reading: Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah
Currently watching: So You Think You Can Dance (the top 10 are incredible!!)

crazy? I was crazy once...

Occasionally (and by occasionally, I mean about once a year) I completely overthink what appears to the general population to be an insignificant decision.

That decision distracts me from everything else. I go to radical lengths to make my decision a more informed one. I ask everyone under the sun for their advice. Then I discount what they say. And then rely on it. And then discount, rely, discount, then...well, you get the picture. I imagine vividly the worst case scenarios. I lean loosely into the best case. I go with option A only to start re-thinking the merits of option B. Days spent going in circles, just winding myself into a big, fat stressball...

Once I was trying to figure out whether or not to own a dog.

Once it was whether or not to take a trip.

Today (and for the past two days) it's about choosing which bedroom to live in for the next year.

Front bedroom or back? Bigger bedroom (by 2 ft) or bigger bathroom/storage? Better spacial flow or bigger window? Privacy or easier common area accessibility?

Can't. make. decision. Rendering myself mentally immobile.

Currently playing: "In Too Deep" by Sum 41

finger pull-ups?!

No, for reals. The hard core climbers do finger pull-ups. Can you imagine? Working to strengthen some of the tiniest muscles in your body because if you don't, you're more likely to fall to your death (or land on a crash pad)? Nuts.

I spent time yesterday watching the climbing "regulars" do some bouldering.  No harness, no rope, just grab rock, jump rock, and hoist your full body weight around using fingers and forearms. Fascinating. The good ones seem to defy gravity, grasping plastic rock upside down, a natural fit in what strikes you as an absurdly unnatural position.

I'd like to say I tried bouldering, but I didn't. Not yet. (I did cut my nails though with some clippers made available to customers, because you cannot have nails if you wish to hold on to pebbles for dear life). Still, three runs up and five or six times belaying wiped me out. My forearms felt like lead and my fingers stopped functioning. And I'm fairly certain I've got the start of a bad case of carpal tunnel syndrome (darn desk jobs) in my mouse hand that is affecting my range of motion and strength...

And speaking of strength, if there's one thing this foray into the indoor rock climbing world has taught me, it's that no amount of weight training can prepare you for the strength required to get your own body weight gracefully into abnormal positions. Those climbing "regulars" I spoke of? They look like dancers, partnered purposefully with the path they're blazing upwards. It's beautiful; something to strive for, at least...

I own a chalk bag now. Necessary, since I'm still a nervous wreck when on the ascent (my palms could pass for slip n' slides), and kind of fun...makes me feel a little bit legit. Too legit to quit, perhaps? Ha. Maybe.

Until next time...

on track

I'm 18 weeks out from Seattle beginning the week of July 26-August 1!

Soooo...I designed an 18 week workout schedule that takes me through the end of the year (actually into the second weekend in January) to keep me on track. You can view it here if you want. It's excellent fodder for slapping me around....

Anyway, I've got three goals with the plan. First, I want to be capable of running 26.2 in the hills and elevation of Seattle come November 29. I don't think a PR is possible in those conditions, but I'd like to ensure my ability to push through them. Secondly, I want to maintain full body muscle and joint strength throughout the rigorous training a marathon requires. And third, I'd like to say sprint tri ready and willing 'cause triathlons are fun.

So, the product is a training schedule heavily influenced by those goals, as well as by the local MarathonFest program I'm in, the Hal Higdon schedule I trained by last year for San Antonio, and a triathlon training schedule I found on beginnertriathlete.com. Ye-a!

In other news:
I bought a couch. And midnight showing of Harry Potter 6 tickets. My car roof is leaking. I'm doing, freelance, something that I'm good at—it feels kinda good. I bought my name as a domain/URL—I might use it eventually. 5k with small group (plus 5k more with a bro), water park, and crab feast this weekend. Rock climbing tonight. I'm jones-ing to go rope swinging. Oh, and the intro of Fall Out Boy's "Sugar, We're Going Down" still always makes me want to play guitar again....crunch, crunch.

Currently playing: "American Saturday Night" by Brad Paisley (fun song — hear it here)

that's the spirit!

"This is so not like you; you like to DO stuff!"

Those were the words uttered by my future sister-in-law in reaction to my hesitancy to get out behind the a boat and wakeboard this weekend.

And she was right, I DO like to do stuff...and it was so unlike me to avoid an opportunity. I'm a try anything at least once (except the Skycoaster) kind of girl. If you've read this blog for even a second, you get that I'm a little obsessed with action, activity, intent, etc. ETC. But Friday morning, I was totally playing coward. I was acting like one of those people I usually want to kick in the pants.

And for the life of me I can't figure out why. I mean, with some encouragement and prompting, I DID get out there for a few runs....and went a second time later in the day with far less prompting....but I was being a big baby and blast if I know the reason behind it! (Especially after tackling the rock climbing fear not even a full two days prior). It's not as if I'm scared of face planting (a little water in the sinuses never hurt nobody) or alligators in a private lake (there aren't any) or looking foolish in front of friends (that's par for the course), so what the crap was I being timid about?

I've got a couple of good theories, but I think the real lesson I learned is that it's good to recognize and analyze our fears....to realize that sometimes you'll only truly overcome your fears when you've begun to understand why they exist (or from whence they came).

So, here's to being introspective when it counts...

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7)

climb on

I'd said I'd do it. So, despite my fear (of heights) and my utter lack of knowledge (regarding what to do or what not to do), I went rock climbing yesterday.

It was troubling. Upon entering the climbing warehouse, I barely had a chance to glimpse my surroundings before my friend handed me a pen and a waiver and told me to sign my life away. I initialed my way through standard liability lingo: You could break while partaking in this endeavor, but since You're going to do the dangerous anyway, You agree not to hold the company responsible for any brokenness You might manage to acquire on property. Thank you and uh, good luck?

Cue horror music...

There's a point at the start of any new endeavor when you have to make the conscious choice to throw your caution to the wind. You've got to toss it out and ignore its particular version of reality and roll forward, a buoyed bubble of imagination and hope. So, that's what I did as a kid half my age handed me a safety harness and told me to "step in and tighten up." And ten minutes of learning how to tie knots and what it means to "belay" later, I was deemed "ready" to climb a mountain. Uh, yea right?

Regardless of my conscious choice to the contrary, my subconscious knew I was still nervous...and I don't know about you, but my physiology listens to my subconscious...

So, sweaty palms, loss of digit dexterity, and wide eyes all accompanied me on my first climb up a sloping plane. I channeled my inner monkey and slowly navigated an easier (5.7) course toward that metal bar in the sky, touched it and attempted to be lowered gracefully to the ground. My lack of knowledge and skill left much to be desired in the grace department. Still, I'd gone high and touched back down safely....so, I was satisfied. Sorta?

Conquering a fear is one thing. Overcoming it is another. Conquering seems so sadly finite. But there's something about the word "overcoming" that paints a picture of a forgotten problem and a continuing progress....

I was satisfied with my first climb, but I was still shaky. Untying my knots or gripping another rock was difficult, as a result. My friends and I acknowledged that I was still too affected by my fear, so I strapped on a chalk bag and climbed again. And again. And again. New walls, new angles, new experiences. And slowly, I learned there was less to fear: I can trust my friend not to let me fall. There is an antidote to sweaty palms: it's called chalk and there's always some nearby. Despite how unlikely it may seem, my toe actually can hold my body weight while balancing on a pebble. My upper body strength (or lack thereof) isn't as important as I might think it is, because my legs can be relied on to do some of the work. Oh, and getting stuck ain't so bad — it just means your friends get to help you out. At the end, I was still a bit nerve-wracked, but all in all, it was an exciting first time.

I've now got less to fear, but there's still more to overcome....I think I'm going back next week.

You want in?

Currently playing: "Big Star" by Kenny Chesney

She was aware of her insecurities as she took the stage,
But she was convinced if she got up there
that she'd be discovered some day.
So, she belted it. She hit the high notes fearlessly.
Oh, she melted them...and she brought them to their feet.

a little salt and lime...

I spent last week at the beach. It was glorious. (See pictures here).

I think I'm going to go again this weekend. Cayla's promised something with sweet tea and mango. And I might to get to see a Noah.

Living in Florida sucks. Not.

But whilst on vacation, I came to a few conclusions:

1. I could very happily live in a bathing suit and baseball cap.
2. We should go "unplugged" more often.
3. I was NOT made to sit at a desk eight hours a day.
4. Sometimes naturally getting along with someone makes it harder/potentially more damaging to fight with them — because you've no experience in doing the hard work of a relationship. I often wonder how many relationships fall apart simply because things ceased to be easy for a second...
5. I'm going to learn to rock climb. I aim to begin breaking a curse by doing so.
6. West Wing really is the best television show ever produced.
7. The recipe for redneck margaritas can and should be put to good use.
8. Vacation should be three weeks long. One week to decompress. One week to relax. One week to re-orient and plan accordingly. I'm gonna start a petition.
9. I am not the best version of myself if I'm not being extremely (and regularly) physically active. My chemistry needs the endorphins and the release. And I can't apologize for that.
10. It's difficult to kill cynical thoughts without growing too indifferent.

Currently reading: Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl
Currently watching: West Wing, Season 2 (via Netflix)
Currently playing: "Loco" by David Lee Murphy (a fav!!)

"I might be a little bit loco, but it keeps me from losing my mind..."

from the boring middle

"It is difficult to recall, much less recapture, the excitement of an adventure's beginning when you find yourself in the boring middle of it." — Donald Miller, Through Painted Deserts

Who's your favorite Christian author?

I know I'm supposed to say Paul or Lewis or Buechner or Chesterton, but my honest answer is Elizabeth Elliot. I recently (as in last week during vacation) began reading her Secure In the Everlasting Arms collection for the third time and find myself once again connecting with an author on a personal level. Everything she writes hits home. Hard.

Hits Home?

I could say the same is true every time I read something by Donald Miller or Rob Bell, too....because it is. Rob Bell says what I'd say about the American church. Donald Miller writes his way through our shared thought, exposing us as broken and uncertain, but aspiring and beautiful. And I get what they're trying to say, because without knowing me, they seem to get me. So does Elliot.

However, the difference between those guys (whose works, let me clarify, I absolutely love and learn from) and Elliot is that her stuff forces me to focus first on God. She acknowledges the crap and the distractions associated with life on earth, but she refuses to leave God out of it for even two sentences. She quotes authors I've never heard of in a way that makes me desperate to have a conversation with them. She put prayers to paper that I feel compelled to read aloud and meditate over for days at a time. She gets more of my underlines and margin scribblings than any other author has besides God. And she reminds me why I should be excited about this story of God's of which I get to be a part. I lose my cynicism in her words.

The Point?

She's worth reading. If you haven't, you should.

Of what author might you say the same?

engaged!

As of Wednesday night, my littlest brother, Tommy (Tub), is engaged to his lovely girlfriend of more than a year, Amanda. They're thinking late October wedding.

They're best friends. They'll make each other happy. And they'll be good for God together.

I like it. Congrats!

when in rome...

I liked this exchange at the end of the Love Happens movie trailer:

male lead: So, where are we going?
female lead: I don't know...but it's fun not knowing, isn't it?

Simple exchange. Probably cliche. I'm fairly certain I heard something similar in Elizabethtown. But I liked it anyway. Why? Because I'm learning to love the not knowing. Learning to cuddle with the accompanying unease. I'm beginning to believe I can have fun in my interim state. Heck, I'm learning to reconcile the idea of a fading dream of Spain and a sharp reality in Rome....(click for context)

But I'm not gonna lie: Sometimes I actually hate it all. Sometimes I wonder if it'd all be so much more fun if someone else were along for the ride. Sometimes I'm looking for "life altering" experiences. Sometimes I'm trying to force His hand (futile!). Sometimes I'm immobilized — resigned and slightly depressed by the stone facades that surround. But sometimes? Sometimes I remember that, unlike Paul in Rome, I'm free...more free than those with partners, more free than those tied to success, and more free than those with authority. I've got little baggage and a whole lotta wide open space in which to spin. I can climb the steps of the Colosseum. Run down the streets. Stop at the market, eat a plum, and shake hands with strangers. I am free.

And, well, the truth of the matter? Freedom really is a whole lotta fun....

Related: I go on vacation in two days. I'm counting down the seconds.

More related: I'm going back several years for this year's theme song. Keith Urban's "Better Life." It keeps popping up in random places recently...so, I'm taking the hint and hanging on to its message.

Currently playing: "Vibrate" by Petey Pablo
Currently reading: Love: A Guide to Finding It in All the Right Places (the book I'm doing freelance work on)